I cannot describe how I feel today; my son’s new step mother has arrived from Morocco and has shared some pretty amazing photos and videos of my son. If you read my blog then you know that his biological father took him to Morocco and has detained him there for four years against my wishes. So I feel grief stricken by the fact that I am not raising my own child, I cannot hold him close, coddle him when he is sad, help him with his homework or do things that a normal mommy gets to do with her six year old. I am also happy that he apparently treated as a small king and seems to be thriving; he looks happy, healthy and extremely clever. I am told he reads Arabic well above his level and does well in religion class. I saw a beautiful boy, dashing striking with the same beautiful eyes and wide grin that he left with. I get the impression from staring at him that life has been very kind to him. If I saw him on a blog I would think what a wonderful child, imaginative, creative and splendid. I would enjoy looking at him as much as I do all of your children. The catch is he is mine! This wonderful child belongs to me! How amazing it is to be able to look at your own child and be that proud with no guilt that you are conceited or biased. It is amazing to look at your child and not be able to think of one single thing that you would do different and think wow what an amazing family. I was so resentful that my son’s step mother was going to see my son and now I am so grateful for the amazing story that she has produced.
I sent him this small dragon, a simple toy I found at garage sale. I wonder if the previous owners know how happy that simple dragon that came with a whole castle set has made my son in Morocco. The toy now has its own story, it has its own travels and is now one of the most special and unique dragons that Fisher Price has ever made. I was amazed at how creative he seemed when I saw the little green dragon resting on his shoulder in so many poses and that was when I thought to myself Oh yes indeed he is one of mine. I was amazed with the photos and relived that he is so very well. I could see his artistic nature oozing from the screen, especially when he was the star of a video with a great song written by him. I am smitten with his talents and I get the pleasure of having a unique person in our family, a small Arab boy, who is our son, wow amazing huh! He belongs to us and one day we will all meet again and be able to teach each other so much. My hope is no longer getting him out of Morocco, but learning to deal with and mend my broken heart. I must work harder to get my son in touch with his stateside siblings and let him know that we love and care for him and that most of all we are proud of who he is!
I cannot grieve or be sad when I see such an amazing child, after all, is that what every mother wants? My anger for my ex will likely not subside nor be subdued, but I can celebrate that he not won I am no longer in such pain because our son shall be love and he shall be well.