Sunday, July 31

Bliss Morning

I wanted to share a bit of our wonderful morning , this morning Yas came home and said let's go on a breakfast picnic . So I made french toast , boiled eggs , fruit salad and we stopped off at Peet's coffee for some coffee and Trader Joes' for orange juice . The kids desperately want a dog , but we live in a two bedroom walk up so having a dog especially in the Winter time is an impossible task. So Yas took us to the dog beach so we could borrow other people's dogs ! It was fantastic a must go if you have a family dog or just want to borrow someone else's dog. Norah was in love and she did the cutest thing she had me make a sling for her bitty twins and the little mama carried them on her for a couple of hours. I loved that as I always wore her around and I think that learning to be a mommy who loves and provides nurture is one of those life skills that we all need to have. SO much of how we are with our kids is how much we were nurtured as children.

My little mama :)
My favorite part of the morning was when Yas was giving Norah a do not be afraid ! Right here is a pep talk which I caught off my i phone :) Gotta love Instagram ! She was afraid of some of the dogs and would cry so he would gently encourage her to branch out . I love watching them !

So as horrible of a night as I had the next morning brought bliss and happiness , life is just like that sometimes :)
Peace have a Bliss day ! Jen xoxoxo

Saturday, July 30

A not so blissful Night !

I can not sleep I am overwhelmed by missing the twins, I felt uneasy when I spoke to them two days ago. They were calm enough but kind of cold. I long for Hamzah to come steal my lap top at 5 a.m. so he can google Star Wars action figures and I would like to hear Mo complaining about random stuff! I could never blame the twins for being cold because they have been through so much in their eight years of life. I am not happy to say that they have now spent most of the their life with me . They were in Morocco for two and a half years as they were taken around their third birthday. I plan to have their birthday party at a vintage coffee shop called WormHole here in Chicago's Wicker Park , they have vintage Star Wars galore and a couple of old nintendos complete with vintage Mario and of course Mexican coke bottles ! I can not wait to share those photos on my blog. I can not wait to share the twins on this blog they have so much personality . I tried to post a video maybe it worked , last summer of them dancing in Starbucks !

The last day of School 2010-2011

Messing around !

Now they will be eight , imagine eight years ago I was laid up on bed rest hardly sleeping much like tonight in fear that they would be born to soon and eleven days later they were born at 35 weeks. More sleepless nights pumping milk , round the clock feedings . Wow the ride it has been! Tears well in my eyes when I remember the past eight years and I have to try so very hard to push Mehdi from my thoughts or I will likely have a sleepless , tearful night ! I have to take Norah on a picnic and digging through the thift store for some old dolls so I can not let melancholy drift into my thoughts. My days are about Norah and the past is the past. I have learned to accept what we can not change and to change the things we can borrowed from 12 step and no I have never been a drunk and not a drugs. I just wish Mehdi happiness and I hope he knows one day that I do love him.
Sleepness nights are known to me well , like an old dark friend , while they were away and even now with Mehdi, I longed to hold them. I longed to hear them whine just a sign of life ! I did not know if I would ever see them again and each time I hold them or drop them off at school I stare or linger a bit longer adoring their presence , knowing nothing in life is certain and nothing is even permanent !
I guess most people wonder how on earth I let my children visit the man who took them to Morocco and left them there with his parents for two and a half years and the man who still holds my baby boy in Morocco. He should be in jail not with his kid right ? Well I have their passports he is not getting out of the USA IF by some miracle he did get a new passport , They can not be scanned the Office of Children's Issues in D.C. has a special list and my boys are on that list. So he is not getting outta the USA again ........ God bless the USA ! So he is their father the other half of their DNA SEQUENCE ! As much as I despise him for what he has done to us all keeping his kids away from him out of spite when he wants to see them would be ever more of a tragedic , why would I rip apart the relationship with their father as he did to me. There times many times in this life that we must suck it up and this is one of those times. I knew he was very extreme in his religious thinking and practice when we married. I procreated with him twice so ........ despite what happened in this past I believe in a second chance for everyone. We hardly discuss my son in Morocco , we hardly ever speak at all. I talk to my son once a week on web cam , however he speaks no English and my Arabic is limited to the communication is difficult at best ! So back to the Baba in San Fran , he remarried a 24 year old plain American girl. I have nothing against her this is her second Summer with the twins and honestly she is kinda a flake , she has no kids so I am sure she is doing her best and she can play WII with them and she is fairly found of Star Wars. She took them to Build a Bear and made Star Wars bears which I adored :) With that being said she is ok for a step mom and when she is in deep she calls upon her own mom , whom I have met once in the airport and kinda liked. My instincts tell me this girl and her recently widowed mother are ok. I just hope he is fair and sends me my children with no drama as I always have pure intentions for the visits and time they spend with him. I will never take their father away from them even if it means that he will fill their minds jammed packed full of ideas I can not agree with , even if it means he will lecture them for hours about religion and make them little Pan Arabist I will not take take them away, even if it means he finally takes my last breath when I have a heart attack I will not take them from their father , their family. I am not perfect so I can not judge the man for what he believes is right and what he thinks that he ought to do ! I mean part of having children is to impress you values, ethics and worldview upon their (tabla raza) blank slate little minds. I just hope they are wise enough to make their own choices which is something I will always give them the freedom to do. So goodnight ! I have never really vented on this much on this little blog !

Friday, July 29

A Poet and She Did not Even Know It !

I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite up and coming little ladies !

This little lady writes some of the coolest poems ! She is going into the eleventh grade and is an honor student and I am so proud of all of her accomplishments. She is also a world traveler as she has been to Tunisa, France, Abu Dhabi and a few more......... Below is a copy of one of her recent poems.

I know the feeling of tired .........

The feeling takes over anything and everything.

Take my hand and I can show you the wonderful things

Outside of this crummy town.

We can visit the cozy, courtyards in Cambridge, England,

Take pictures in front of the towers in Tokoyo,

Play around in the Eiffel Tower in Paris;

And when we get tired,

You can hold my hand

As we say our vows in Vancouver.

With the world,

As big as our minds, hearts, and souls

Then our possibilites are endless.

Please vote on

Poetry - Destination: Infinity - Wattpad
Destination: Infinity JasmineMarieTuffaha

Her work just makes me happy :) She is a childhood friend's oldest daughter and my oh my has she done a good job !

Thursday, July 28

Cool afternoon delights :) True Bliss

I love this photo :)

creepy ........... spot of the day it has teeth :)

Gilty as charged !

Thanks to who introduced me to which is more than fab has has some of the best spices around including saffron which I love for kebabs , rice, pudding and other treats and harissa which is used to make a spicy sauce used in Morocco, Algeria, Tunisa and Libya . Next week is Ramadan so I am planning to showcase some good eats. During Ramadan Muslims must fast from sun up until sun down , refrain from sex, smokes and all other unholy vices. It is pretty hard ! I look forward to sharing some of the images with you all since it is a very special time for Muslims around the world.

$7.95 on the Gilt site a real steal since usually this is only to be gathered in the motherland !

Also $7.95 from the Gilt site :) yum yum

A beautiful picture from the 1001 Arabian Nights :) a book I love :)

Two Bliss Days ..............

So a couple of nice blissful days in a row :) Started the day with my blissful partner and my lovely little lady at a free concert for kids at Whole Foods , the concert is performed twice weekly by the good folks at Bubbles Academy. The kids really enjoy jamming to catchy little tunes and it is something that I am really going to miss when she starts fun day kindergarden this year. I can not believe that my fifth child is such a little girl. I miss the baby days sometimes but embarking on the new adventure of early childhood for the fifth time is great. I have ballet recitals , reading, school plays and lots to look forward too :) I sure miss the twins but they need this time with their other family so I am just seizing the day and enjoying my daughter and her father :)

Here are a couple of shots of the kiddos jamming out :)

I love this cute dress that I bought at a thrift store it soooooo Mexi Cali looking don't you think ?

Baba snapped this sweet picture of us having some sweet time after we got all dressed up !

The night is young and I have lots of writing to do so have a bliss evening all.............

Wednesday, July 27

Sidewalk Talk

Wow what a day I plan to blog the super duper lunch I cooked later , but for now it is sidewalk talk time with Norah.I love to watch her color beautiful designs on the local Starbucks sidewalk which is encouraged by the staff :) She loves her work most of the time too , she was a little upset that I kept talking pictures of her as evident in one of her photos.

Overall this day has been Bliss :) Lots of lovin ,tugging and huggin

We also watched a couple of little birds who actually got close enough to take a decent shot.

Tuesday, July 26

Thing One and Thing Two

Man I miss the double mint boys :( My heartaches it reminds me of them being in Morocco :( I do get to talk to them twice a week and they are having a blast with their baba ( father) ! They even went to the Star Wars museum in San Fran and they have of course been to Muir Woods which is one of my all time favorite places !

Monday, July 25

Sunday, July 24

1000 Fireflies

We sure miss Mohammed and Hamzah , but I must admit that Norah and I are having a blast ! One of our goals this summer is to get healthy so we made veggie kabobs today and threw them on the grill 

What we used 
Organic Cherry Tomatos 
Organic Slices of Carrots 
Bamboo skewers 

She looks like a vintage ghost shopping for veggies at my local Polish market , which is close enough to walk and not crowded like our local Whole Foods. My Whole Foods is amazing I mean really amazing , they have a bar , yea you have to get loaded to go in and spend all that cash on food you could get at the Farmer's market. 

Later after enjoying a dinner and me enjoying my new 60 calories latte yes 60  ! This is the greatest milk in the world ! illy is well worth the cash :) We went in search of fire flies it rained so we had no luck so we will google why they are out sometimes and sometimes not out and keep you all posted. 

This is Norah outside in her new night gown that I got at a second hand store for a buck and a bug that her daddy brought her this morning. In the other photo is messing around looking for flies. The fry fly has become a fun tradition in my house as we go get some flies in a starbucks cup they seem the enjoy the straw . It sounds mean and inhumane I know , but then we listen to the fire fly song watch them and then let them go free :) Whole process is about 10 minutes ! 

Saturday, July 23

The Incredible Story of the Little Girl that Said YES !

 Mom says No to going to the Park the Little Girls insists that the answer is YES ! She says Yes ! 

Mom says lets go she says no ! Mom says No park if you do not leave your spot and so she gives in and she says YES ! 

Oh yes she can walk ! 

The little girl says Yes it is time to go but mom says No ! 

The little girls says Yes you can use this for  your coffee , Mom says Oh No ! 

The Little Girl says Can I have a treat my shirt says yes , mom says No ! 

No says Mommy  ! Yes says the little Girl this water is good for my body . 

 Yes she says she has a dollar and can now stand in line to buy this water. 
 Oh yes she says she can most definitely eat Jelly Beans ! 
Yes she says she can  pretend to climb a tree in the Middle of the City.

Yes this is the end ! 

The Zoo

Thursday, July 21

First Blog Post :) My so called secret journey

This is my secret journey out of my religion and into the world. I have quite literally lost my religion ! This blog will be dedicated to my children , Five years ago my children were taken to Morocco by their Moroccan father. The twins lovely boys of eight were brought back safe and sound and totally brainwashed , the six year old Mehdi another lovely boys remains. I try to keep the faith while keeping my little family happy and healthy. I struggle with the same trials and tribulations as any mom i.e. organic food vs. non organic , clothing , toys and the overall ups and downs of this life. The catch is that I have a secret and not many of my new friends here in Chicago know that I used to be an orthodox Muslim. Today I laugh , cry and love ........... I hope someone reads my blog and finds needed hope and strength ! Now let's have some fun !