I open my email and my eyes were welled with tears and anger ! Sadness took over me I am crying as I write this post I just wanted to share with you how sometimes life is bliss the three happy kids, new schools and now sometime it is not bliss as I open an email with pictures of my almost seven year old son that I have not laid my eyes upon , hugged or kissed in four years . I can not check to see if he is breathing in the night I just have to trust that the grandparents who have been trusted to keep him safe are doing just that. I can now imagine how a birth mother feels only this was not my choice it was not suppose to be like this. On the flip side he was not killed , tortured and he is in good health. What can I say I am just coping right now although this post is helping me sort out my deep emotions on this subject that I try to avoid or save for sleepless nights. I try to push it from my mind and take care of the two that were returned to me how dare me not be happy when karma gave me a second chance and they were brought back home ? No time for sadness , he looks great :) I mean look at him he is so beautiful , I know I will smell him again one day until then he is in my heart , his tiny kicks that he made inside are in my memory vividly , his tiny cry and his sweet smile :) I love you Mehdi , I love you sweet boy I hope I see you again even for a second !