Not Bliss My Son in Morocco !

I open my email and my eyes were welled with tears and anger ! Sadness took over me I am crying as I write this post I just wanted to share with you how sometimes life is bliss the three happy kids, new schools and now sometime it is not bliss as I open an email with pictures of my almost seven year old son that I have not laid my eyes upon , hugged or kissed in four years . I can not check to see if he is breathing in the night I just have to trust that the grandparents who have been trusted to keep him safe are doing just that. I can now imagine how a birth mother feels only this was not my choice it was not suppose to be like this. On the flip side he was not killed , tortured and he is in good health. What can I say I am just coping right now although this post is helping me sort out my deep emotions on this subject that I try to avoid or save for sleepless nights. I try to push it from my mind and take care of the two that were returned to me how dare me not be happy when karma gave me a second chance and they were brought back home ? No time for sadness , he looks great :) I mean look at him he is so beautiful , I know I will smell him again one day until then he is in my heart , his tiny kicks that he made inside are in my memory vividly , his tiny cry and his sweet smile :) I love you Mehdi , I love you sweet boy I hope I see you again even for a second !

Dear Mehdi , My baby son I love you and you are old enough to understand that I DO WANT you with the rest of the family. Mehdi anytime you want to come back to us ask your Jedi and Jeddah and we are here to welcome you with your brothers and sister. We love you so much and want you. If you are happy in Morocco then I am happy I only want your happiness my little son. I miss you and you are the most beautiful and lovely of my sons. I sent you some pictures of the family we love you and think of you all the time . Mehdi you are on my mind most of the day everyday I love you ! LOVE ALWAYS , Your mother you held you in her womb , her arms and now I hold you in my heart.