So the young doctor was called to come right away , she drove more than one hour to get to the hospital.I was already being prepped for an emergency c section. They told us that they did not know what to expect. My emotions were a roller coaster , you tell me my son may not even be alive ! I was overwhelmed. We had come so far only for me to loose one of my precious babies. I clutched my belly below and I sobbed , I was scared to death. I could not even imagine a life without both babies , how could I look at double everything and not grieve. I was mentally preparing for the worst. There were two world class neonatal specialists on board and a ton of Stanford's best residents so I was in good hands, but worried. The doctor told me that they were just uncertain that the baby maybe fine or he may be in major distress ! They could not be certain of anything at this point.
I was taken to recovery where they also prep patients for surgery I was really scared the thought of being cut open. I was not prepared for the c-section ordeal at all.I had imagined laboring and pushing out two babies in a very natural way . The pregnancy had been so high tech that I just wished for a simple delivery. I was very very afraid and the whole thing was staring to seem a bit surreal as if I was watching TLC , or The Discovery channel, this could not be happening. I did everything I was told I bed rested I took two showers a week. This just could not be !
I was prepped and taken to the OR , I remember looking up and selling butterflies everywhere on the ceiling , yes they were really there not the anesthesia. The room was full maybe 20-25 people were there. I saw an incubator from the corner of my eye , it's presence gave me hope.
The ordeal started at around 3 p.m. it was now four hours later and I heard the loud cry of one baby. The baby was brought over to my side and he was so very perfect beautiful round head and beautiful shinning eyes. I knew from that second on that Hamzah would get me through the thunder ahead. I kept asking the anesthesiologist about the other baby. I called out to the young doctor she said they were working on Baby B ! I never heard a sound , nobody told me anything my ex husband was on the other side of the room. I was terrified but the thought of seeing sweet little Hamzah again and feeding him and holding him close was also in the back of my mind. I began to think of the stories I had read of mommys that went through this with their one and only baby , I tried to see the upside if something was terribly wrong I had to hold it together I still had a baby and he needed me. I always look for the worst and when the best happens it taste very sweet, because it is often unexpected !
I was in recovery the young doctor came in to tell me that Baby A was in the NICU and looking good. I was relived and then I began to worse what if , what if and what if ? I was taken to a room a couple hours later and my blood pressure was up at dangerous levels. I kept asking for my baby and asking to be taken to the NICU. They of course would not take me , they were concerned with my blood pressure. I was terrified but there was no way I was going to sleep , no way at all.
6 a.m I was in a lot of pain but I tried to stand for the first time It felt awkward but I held myself steady. My husband was in the waiting room , no idea what he was doing , who cared I had to get up two floors to that NICU. I stood up and started to walk slowly I was in pain I had a catheter and an IV . I called the nurse after an eternity one showed up I said to her look take this catheter out or I am taking it out myself. She said the doctor orders say you should rest for twenty four hours. I said get it out ! So she took it out ! I slowly made my way to the elevator and pressed 3 I was on 1 . It seemed like the longest minutes of my life. I slowly walked to the NICU and rang , I braced myself one thing I had read is that the babies closet to the entrance usually were going to leave soon. As I walked in a happy pretty nurse greeted me I told her who I was there for and she took me to an isolette near the door. It was not a incubator , he had one IV in his head and he was laying out in the open no tubes , nothing ! I touched him and when I touched his hand he rapped his little fingers around mine and squeezed. The courage , the strength he had was amazing. I knew he would be fine. I was told later he was purple when he was born and listless , but now he was so full of life. Mohammed the name is a symbol of strength ! I was amazed suddenly I had two baby boys and life was good. Hamzah was 5 pounds and 6 ounces while Little Mohammed was 3 pounds and 16 ounces. They were healthy and perfect in every way ! Both babies went home with me five days later . And though we have had hardships in our lives together the bond will never break. Five years later when the twins would return from Morocco after being away a couple of years , It was Hamzah who gripped me hand this time and Mohammed who of course held back I knew that our new journey would be fine and this was just how they roll !